The importance of marriage

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Few institutions are as propitious to human beings developing their potential and virtues in the pursuit of ethical excellence as marriage. In marriage, man and woman, unfinished beings, practice generosity through mutual and exclusive surrender, open to the emergence of new individuals. Matrimony, when understood, is the perfect antidote against selfishness – and when poorly understood, it degenerates into a "selfishness to two" which is precisely the antithesis of what one seeks to cultivate in a healthy union.

Several recent ideologies have tried to undermine the importance of marriage, treating it like a social construction imposed by certain traditions and calling for its "overcoming. Nothing could be further from reality: it is a natural institution, founded on the basis of biological and psychic complementarity between man and woman. What happened was an improvement in the comprehension of the essence of matrimony, overcoming situations such as arranged marriages – sometimes arranged when the bride and groom were still children – or when one of them is coerced by their own families or other circumstances. But this improvement shouldn´t be used to deny the intrinsic character of this institution.

''Happy marriages require constant dedication and awareness of the value of a lasting, not transient union''

Nonetheless, if mankind progressed slowly to understand that a marriage cannot work without the couple´s free decision, it is necessary to reiterate that to justify matrimony on the sole basis of affection is the same as to undermine its foundation. Human feelings, as we know, are important, but they are fickle. To rely only on them is the recipe for an unhappy marriage. If there were an understanding that marriage, more than a confluence of affections, is a mutual partnership for both parties to become better and better, improving themselves, the spouse and their offspring, maybe we would have far fewer problems.

This understanding, however, cannot lead to the illusion that happy marriages are as easy as a walk in the park.  They require constant dedication and awareness of the value of a lasting, not transient union. We understand the vicissitudes and difficulties that countless couples go through, and that there are circumstances in which there is no way of maintaining a union. But even those who go through this pain recognize the importance of successful marriages. When one sees marriage as something that can be undone for any ordinary reason, one loses all the benefit that could come from valuing the marriage bond as a source of growth in virtue also through the difficulties and the power decision, daily renewed, to accompany the other and to want its wellbeing till the end. Strengthened marriages are of interest, not only to spouses and children, but to the whole society.

The way to this, it must be said, is not in legal imposition, but in a necessary and true education regarding the meaning of marriage, so that more people understand the exciting challenge that lies in this union. Challenge, because it is about growing in the virtues - one of the most important of which is fidelity, without which one cannot build the mutual trust that lies at the foundation not only of the conjugal relationship but also of any relationship that constitutes a society. Exciting because it stirs our deepest longings and allows us to achieve the fulfillment and happiness that we all seek.